Last Update: 8/22/2017

Take Down, Replace ALL Civil War Statues!

Lately, every asshole’s got a fuckin’ opinion on takin’ down Civil War statues. Specifically Confederate statues. Vanholio says take ‘em all down, Confederate AND Union. Here’s why …

It's my estimation that every man ever got a statue made of him was one kind of sommbitch or another. — Mal, Firefly

?? #Vanlife question? Contact Vanholio! direct !!

Vanholio says Mal called it right. Fuck all them generals and politicians. They didn’t do the dyin’ and bleedin’! They caused the war! They don’t deserve no fuckin’ statues of ‘em!

The Civil War Was a Leadership Fuckup

Accordin’ to the Civil War Trust, “Approximately 620,000 soldiers died from combat, accident, starvation, and disease during the Civil War.” That don’t even count the civilians dead or starvin’, or the horses, dogs, and other critters killed.

Why!? What was that fuckin’ war about? I know, I know — endin’ slavery, states rights, preservin’ the Union — take your pick. All worthy on paper, for both sides. But fact is, they shoulda worked all that out through talk, not murder.

And after all them dead, was it worth it!? Blacks got free, sorta. Until Jim Crow. Still an improvement, no doubt. (I sure as hell wouldn’t wanna be no chattel slave!) Overall, though, poor folk, the ones who did the bleedin’, Black and White, didn’t get no richer nor more powerful.

But the bigshot politicians and generals who pushed the whole fuckin’ thing stayed in charge mostly — on both sides. Some a them made fortunes!

Replace the Civil War Statues With Somethin’ Worthy

So here’s what Vanholio proposes: Take all them statues down, Northern and Southern. Yes, even Lincoln! And put them in a new DC museum, The National Museum of Will and Folly.

Then if towns need somethin’ in their places, how about this:

A statue with two brothers, one Confederate and one Union, dead and embracing. The artist should make it unclear whether they’re huggin' or if they killed each other fightin’ hand-to-hand and died that way. And kneeling beside them is their mother, her hands coverin' her face in sorrow and shame.

That’s the only fuckin’ statue worthy of the Civil War. If God is just and loving, it’d be the only statue not an idolatrous abomination to Him. Unlike the shit worship of warmongerin', murderous sommbitches we got now. Might as well be statues of Cain!

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  1. Right on brother! Best sense I've heard yet about all this ridiculousness. People are prepared to fight over this shit? Humanity hasn't learned a goddamn thing.

    1. Now, to convince them with money to make new statues ...

  2. If only. Somehow, I don't see it happening anytime soon. The monied class seem to just be interested in their profits. Indeed, our whole society looks to be in a feeding frenzy of greed. It won't end well.