Last Update: 8/08/2017

'People' Who Smear Their Shit Around Public Places

swastika drawn on bathroom tile with shit -- real shit!
Posted before on findin' a turd on the toilet floor, plus other crap – literally. Turns out this is common. A slice a Americans do this for shits and giggles. It's a well-known thang by the survivors a campground hostin', retail (especially clothin'), and restaurants.

?? #Vanlife question? Contact Vanholio! direct !!

Shit Is Gettin' Spread All Over America!

Now, I ain't talkin' about folks as get diarrhea an' miss, then don't clean it up nor tell no one. That's gross, but understandable in a way. Who wants to admit to a thing like that!?

No, I'm talkin' about sick fuckin' bastards who sling their shit around on purpose! Psychologists call what these shitheads do "voluntary encopresis." They gots a name for it!

Don't know what more to say. Squigs ol' Vanholio out. So here's some stories to laugh, cry, or vomit over … (And do follow the links if ya can stand more.)

Shitty Tales of Shit Mishandled

Warning sign stuck on telephone pole about "Frank," who reportedly shat in the poster's kitchen. Sick!
Saw this on Facebook just this morning!
Shitty Retail Stories

"To everyone who thinks a job at Victoria's Secret is glamorous... Today I found and cleaned up poop in the fitting room #vsemployeeproblems" — Ashley Nyhoff, Victoria's Secret

“'There was a pile of clothes [in the Clearance section] that, like, three people could have slept on, it was so big,' she said. As she dug deeper into the pile, the first thing that hit her was the smell. 'Somebody had gone out of their way to stuff into the very center of the pile, not the bottom, mind you, but the dead center of the pile, a shitty diaper,' she said." — Amanda Atkinson, Old Navy

Shitty Fast Food Story

"Used to work at a Wendy's and we had a frequent douche that used to do this. The worst one was the time he shit into a wad of toilet paper and threw it on the ceiling. When you walk into the bathroom, there was this wad of shit on the ceiling with toilet paper ribbon-dancing down from it. Worst Halloween decorations ever." — Boner999, Wendy's

Shitty School Story

"our mad crapper was truly insane. they would drop deuces in the most random places, sometimes in locations that would be, ordinarily, impossible. hallways. the principal's miniature palm tree(while said principal was getting coffee ten feet from her office). assemblies. sporting events.

"the assumption was that the crapper had accomplices but nobody ever owned up to witnessing the maestro at work.

"never any notes, never any cute warnings or taunting the authorities either. the crapper was a ghost. a poo-terrorist that could strike anywhere. they had the school on edge for five goddamn years.

"as far as i know nobody has ever confessed. the only reason they ever thought it was just one person was the fact that, apparently, all the turds were consistent - roughly the same mass, length, girth etc.

"honestly i'm 90% certain it was the cheerleader who came back as an assistant coach and counselor. just because nobody could have ever suspected her and she had the physical access to pull off the crapper's big fifth year." — buttery_shame_cave, a high school

Shitty Summer Camp Story

Sign on subway prohibiting defecation on the subway
Is this sign necessary!!??
"I once stayed at a summer camp as a child. We lived in the dorms of a local private high school for a couple weeks. Some guy would poop into paper bags and leave them around the dorm in random places. I think in total we found seven of them over the course of 2 weeks. After the RAs made an announcement that whoever was doing this should stop, someone drew a square on the wall in poo.

"My friends and I couldn't figure out how he drew the square. Did he hold his own turd? Did he squeeze it in his butt and draw a perfect square with his ass? What would drive a man to do such a thing?

"The mystery of the Unidumper lives on." — [redacted], summer camp USA

What's Their Shitty Motivation?

"My main issue is that I become extremely frustrated with family members and the hospital. Sometimes to release frustration, I have resorted to urinating and defecating on Walmart bathroom floor. Maintenance closed the public bathroom. I laughed so hard and thought it was humorous. Then, my frustration was released." — aimlove_89, Walmart

"Sort of relevant: My friend worked in a fast food restaurant when he was young, and one day someone opened the soap container in the bathroom and put shit in it. So then people would start washing their hands and be like 'What's on my hands?!' and try to wash it off, only to put more shit on their hands. They never found out who did it." — cleanjudith, "a friend"

My Shitty Conclusion

I don't get this "voluntary encopresis." I don't want to get it. I don't want to see it. I wish I could forget everythin' I now know.

But if you're gonna get into van life an' use public bathrooms, ya need to be aware.. An' gawd bless ya if ya become a campground host or workkamper!


  1. Anonymous9.8.17

    People are weird. One of my favorite Green Bay Packer running backs left this legacy "behind."