Last Update: 6/30/2017

Why You Need 2 Roof Vent Fans on Your Van

shows van with 2 roof vent fans. Front fan blows out hot air, back fan blows in cool air.
If most got a roof vent fan on their van, RV, or other rig, it's usually just the one. Why? It's plain dumb. I'll tell ya why two is way better for van life.

2 Roof Vent Fans Gives Best Van Life Ventilation

With two reversible Fan-tastic Vent or Maxxair roof vent fans on your rig, you got airflow options for all kinds a situations.

Situation 1 – Hot Outside, Closed-Up Van

Fan-Tastic Vent Fan

Like the picture, get one fan blowin' in and one blowin' out. At high speed, that's a lotta air movin'. If ya got reflectors or shades up in the windows, that means a good breeze and no radiant heat. That'll keep ya cool most days, makin' for a more pleasant van life.

When Vanholio leaves the dog in the van, he sets up like this. Ms. Barkley's been comfy in +100 temps, at least in low humidity.

Situation 2 – Hot Outside, Opened-Up Van

Campin' out in the desert, I'll set up awnings and tarps to shade the van's sides like an old wraparound porch. Then I'll open up all the doors and windows, then get both my Fan-tastic fans blowin' out. Add a spray bottle to mist myself with water, and I been damn comfy in +100 desert days. In humid places, I'm good up to about 90.

Situation 3 – Sleeping When Warm

When it's warm outside, or at least in the van, – but not what you'd call hot – I'll open both vents, but just get the front fan blowin' out. With the doors and windows closed, the air displaced by the front fan will get replaced by air sucking in the back fan's vent. Way my bed's set up, that cooler air drops right on my face! Damned pleasant.

Situation 4 – Sleeping When Cool

Maxxaire Roof Top Fan/Vent
When it's too cool to use the setup in Situation 3, but I still want some airflow to keep from getting stuffy, I'll open both vents. Then I'll get the back fan blowing out on a low setting. The replacement air comes in from the front vent atop my feet, which are covered by the blanket anyway. It's enough air to keep it fresh without chillin' me.

Situation 5 – Wet or Damp Inside the Van

Dependin' on the amount of wet and damp inside the van, Use the setups from Situations 1, 3, or 4.

One time, a thunderstorm broke when walkin' the dog. We got back both soaked. After changin', I had wet clothes and wet towels draped inside. And the bed and everythin' else was damp to wet. Temps were in the 50s, so we was chilled.

I set up like Situation 1 – one fan blowin' in, one blowin' out – and in maybe 30 minutes, me and the dog, and all the bed linens and blankets, was dry. After that, we was comfy all night.

Another time, it was a warm, humid spring day. Then at night, a cold front blowed in and dropped temps into the 30s. The dew dropped fast. I woke up shivering with my blankets and clothes damp, and my skin feelin' clammy.

So I set up like Situation 4 – back Fan-Tastic Vent fan blowin' out, front vent pullin' in fresh air. After about 20 shivering minutes, me and the bed was dried up enough to get toasty and back to sleep.

2 Roof Vent Fans Better Than Cracking Windows

I hear ya. You say, "But Vanholio, I can do a lotta that with just one Fan-tastic or Maxxair vent fan by crackin' my windows. Why should I do two roof vent fans instead?"

The Advantages of 2 Roof Fans vs. Cracked Windows for Van Life

  • No mosquitoes, flies, or other bugs
  • More privacy
  • More security
  • Less hot sunlight

When keep your windows open, you let in all kinds of unpleasantness. Think how much more safe, secure, and comfy your van life will be with two Fan-tastic or Maxx Air roof fans!

Gettin' mail on the road? Traveling Mailbox! (review)

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Last Update: 6/27/2017

People and ATVs Ruined This View!

alpine field in carson national forest at the head of La Junta Canyon
I was fuckin' horrified to find the place crawlin' with people. Their camps was huge, and their quads sounded like Hellspawn. Half of 'em was Texans! Holy shit!

Well, Vanholio called this one wrong. See, he'd gone by La Junta Canyon (near Taos, NM) about a month ago on a weekday. The place were nearly empty of people. Perfect for a van-travelling hermit.

But then I returned on a June Saturday expectin' the same. Nope. The public was EVERYWHERE, packin' the campsites and stinkin' the place up.

Hopeful, I kept drivin' up Forest Road 76, higher and higher into the mountains, lookin' for a dispersed campsite without no neighbors. After 8 miles and at over 10,000 feet altitude, I give up and pulled off.

Well, my back view was that shot you see at top. Pretty. But the front view was an intersection of two forest roads.

All afternoon, till after 7 p.m., folks went tearin' by in their pickups and on their quads, tossin' out Bud Light beer cans as they went. Fuck!

So I left and drove down to Taos. More people there, true, but at least I expect them in their natural territory.

I shoulda known. Lesson learned. Where good weather, beautiful scenery, and a fishin' creek are side by side, you're gonna find Vanholio's No. 1 enemy – Joe Public.

Hey, Beer Vanholio! He works hard on this blog.

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La Junta Canyon-Carson National Forest (Southern New Mexico Explorer)

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Last Update: 6/23/2017

Jesus on Black Widow Spider's Abdomen

vision of jesus in the abdomen of a black widow spider
I done seen Jesus in the belly of the spider! Hallelujah!

The vision come to me in a New Mexico closet, right atop a box.

He has built his house like the spider's web, Or as a hut which the watchman has made. – Job 27:18

Alas, this miracle Latrodectus has now been squashed ...

Hey, Beer Vanholio! He works hard on this blog.

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"Jesus Spider Vision" first published at
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Last Update: 6/16/2017

Zero Cleanup Omelette? Boil in a Ziploc Bag

Omelettes cooked in Ziploc, one on a tortilla with Cholula hot sauce

The problem with cookin' scrambled eggs on the go is cleanup of your mixin' bowl and pan. The boil-in-bag method gets around that! Perfect for van life or trucking.

Vanholio's made hisself omelette's this way sittin' on the edge a his bed in the van – without no mess. Real convenient in tight spaces.

WARNING: Cooking in Ziplocs might not be safe.

How to Cook an Omelette in a Ziploc Bag

1. Gather your ingredients.

two eggs, cheese, seasoning salt, and bacon bits, unmixed, in a ziploc bag
Eggs, etc. added to Ziploc

In this case, I did 2 eggs per bag, a piece a cheddar, season salt, and bacon bits. The fake bacon bits suck up some egg juice and add a salty, umami flavor. I don't add no water nor milk.

2. Put eggs and extras into the bag, then zip shut.

With a bit a finesse, Vanholio can crack an egg, then pour it inta the bag without spillin'. Get everything in there. Then zip it shut without much air. That's important 'cause what air's in there'll expand during cooking. Don't wanna pop that bag!

eggs and other ingredients mixed up in a ziploc bag, ready to boil
Eggs, etc. mixed up in Ziploc
3. Gently mix up your eggs.

You don't wanna bust your Ziploc. So massage that huevo sack like you would your own (or someone's you love). Gentle, gentle, gentle, until they're all scrambled.

4. Put Ziploc in pot of water and boil.

Ziplocs of eggs ready to boil in
Max Burton Portable Stove to Go
Vanholio uses his Max Burton Portable Stove to Go. I put the bags in a pot a cold water, shut the stove up, and set it to 250° F (. 'Bout the time the water's boilin', the eggs're done. You could also get water boilin', then put in the bags a eggs.

5. Shake the eggs outta the Ziploc to serve.

The omelette don't stick none to the plastic. That makes it easy.

Is Cooking an Omelette in a Ziploc as Good as Pan Frying?

No, not quite. But it ain't half bad, neither. You miss some flavor and consistency from pan fryin', but there's no funky plastic taste. Better than most restaurant eggs, IMHO. It's a van life winner.

Is Boiling Eggs in a Ziploc Bag Safe?

That warnin' at top got ya worried? Well, you can always use them pricey oven bags or the new Ziploc Zip ‘N Steam Cooking Bags. Or else go back to usin' a pan. But Vanholio ain't personally worried none (which maybe ain't too smart, but there it is).

Hey, Beer Vanholio! He works hard on this blog.

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Last Update: 6/09/2017

Human Beings Are Fuckin' Disgusting!

Campground among pine trees has been strewn with trash by trashy campers.

In general, I enjoy campground hostin’. But the dark side is dealin’ with the public. Lots of campers leave their shit lyin’ around – literally!

Here’s a list of body wastes I had to fuckin’ deal with just this week:

  • One fucker left a solid turd semi-smeared on vault toilet floor.
  • Few days later, another fucker smeared his shit on the wall of the toilet, right by the toilet paper.
  • Some perv shot fresh cum in the toilet corner. Still glistening when I saw it.
  • Lots of guys and gals just miss with their pee, diarrhea, and monthlies.
  • Used toilet paper gets left all over the floor.
  • Someone this week didn’t even bother with the toilet. He (or she) shat by the creek where kids and everyone walk.

More trash I had to fuck with this week:

  • Most can’t seem to camp without leaving trash behind, especially:
    • Bud Light cans
    • Water bottle tops
    • Cigarette butts
    • Plastic utensils
    • String and rope
    • Any kinda wrapper
  • One group dug a hole, dumped their waste food in, then didn’t bury it.
  • Trout heads, skins, bones, and guts – anywhere and everywhere.
  • Dog shit – anywhere and everywhere.
  • Unburnable trash got stuffed in the campfire rings.
  • A couple dipshits hacked the bark off half way ‘round a tree. Probably killed it. Why!?

AT THE SAME FUCKIN’ TIME, the fuckin’ shitheads act like I slapped their mommas when I tell them to pay the $8 camp fee or put their dogs on a leash.

If I’d had the Big Red Button in fronta me last night, Ida nuked every human bein’ on this here planet Earth. No bullshit!

At least one nice guest bought me a 6-pack of 7.2%. Time to go get fuckin’ wasted ...

Hey, Beer Vanholio! He works hard on this blog.

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Last Update: 6/02/2017

Planning to Die Soon

Photo of cemetery with ironic street sign in front marked, "Dead End."
No, Vanholio don't plan to kick the bucket in the near future. This is 'bout a practical program of "carpe diem" (seize the day). Plan to die in six months, then live accordingly.

In a previous post, I done told you all about askin' yourself, "What would you do if you only had six months to live?" That's what Vanholio does. And that guiding star led him to the glorious van life he leads now.

But that ain't been good enough lately. I *still* find myself obsessed with Shoulds and Oughts. Good Ideas and Sensible Plans start takin' over my brain.

Fuck that shit! Vanholio's takin' it the next level. I'm actually planning my life as if I'm really gonna die this New Years Eve. Well, at least if the chance were 90%. The plan does include provision for a 10% chance stayin' on.

So what does Vanholio's last few months look like? Headin' to Manila for hookers and blow? Climbing Mt. McKinley? Punchin' Trump in the nose?

Nah, nothin' so excitin'. I'm pretty happy with the life I got now. But here's what I come up with so far:

  • Plan my estate, including living will, pet provisions, and naming a literary executor. Boring, but I been draggin' my heels on this shit.

  • Take more and longer walks with my dog.

  • Blow off some projects that don't matter for shit.

  • Unsubscribe from a buncha crap that fills up my Inbox.

  • Visit people I care about. Was already plannin' the visits, but now I wanna jazz em up somehow, say with barbecues or parties, make 'em extra special.

  • Write some letters tellin' certain folks how much they mean to me.

  • Visit El Rancho de las Golondrinas, a living history museum in Santa Fe.

What about the sex, drugs, and rock'n'roll, you say? Shit, like I said, I'm pretty happy with my life now. But I do want to figure out some more fun activities. Also wanna figure out what kinda writing projects ta tackle. Maybe some books ta read and movies to see, too.

Again, though, gotta plan for the 10% chance I live. So I'll need to be smart with my savings. Also do some setup for future income. It ain't all "Fuck you, World!"

We'll see how this exercise works out, or if I even stick with it. Vanholio tends to get distracted ...

What would your 6-months-till-checkout plan look like? Any ideas? Wanna plan it seriously, too, and see if it don't make your life better?

Hey, Beer Vanholio! He works hard on this blog.

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