Last Update: 2/16/2019

Choke Your Chicken in a RoadPro Stove

Cooking a whole chicken in an oven bag within a RoadPro 12 volt Stove

"Stuff it, stuff it in! Take it all, Baby! Cram that fuckin' chicken in your hole, choke it!" I screamed as the whole bird slipped inta my RoadPro Stove.

Been surfing the web for 12 volt cooking food porn, then found THIS. Dirty sonofabitch had crammed that super-sized chicken into that hot hole ... Mmmm. He'd put the bird into an oven bag and stuffed it into his RoadPro Stove ALL THE WAY! After 2.5 hours a workin', that bitch was hot, greasy and meltin' off the bone! My tongue was on the floor!

Days later, Vanholio was in some grocery store and saw they was pimping'whole birds, seasoned, with bread stuffing inside, ready to go. I bought one, about 3 lbs. Put it in a bag (with a little flour and air hole in top, per instructions.)

Got that plump chick home and prepped her real good. Gawdammit, then I fisted her inta that RoadPro Stove hole. Baked her for ... well, a long damn time, like 5 or more hours. Don't know why it took so long, probably the stuffing. But DAMNNNNN!
RoadPro Stove Cooks It All!

Tender, so tender... So soft ... So satisfied ...

Las Chihuahas and I ate half the chicken and most a the stuffing right away. Now I've got the rest cold and waiting for sandwiches, eating straight, cooking with rice, whatever. Wow! Just wow!

Only complaint is that you don't get the brown, crispy skin of an oven-roasted chicken. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

But seriously, ya gotta try it. Choke your chicken into your RoadPro Stove. Roast it for 2.5+ hours. Eat like a king – King of the Fuckin' Road!


Special Note – Vanholio wrote this post back in 2015. Lots changed since. One Chihuahua, The Gimp, has passed on. Vanholio's been usin' a Max Burton Digital Stove to Go. But the principle's the same, the advice's still good ta go!





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Last Update: 2/10/2019

How to Shit in a Hole in the Ground


"Dig a cathole," they say, "When you're boondocking and there ain't no toilets around." But how? How you use that without gettin' shit 'n pee all over yourself!? Read on! Uncle Vanholio'll learn ya!

13 Steps to Shittin' Pretty


  1. Find a Private Spot. This is damn important, trust me!

  2. Dig a hole about 6-8" inches deep (15-20 cm). Vanholio prefers ta use a small mattock over a trowel 'cause it'll tear through rocky or rooty soil better.

  3. Take off your britches, underwear'n all. Maybe you got a way ta pull 'em outta the way, but Vanholio just finds this step prevents "mistakes." If you're wearin' a dress or kilt, I guess ya could hike it up.

  4. Line up your heels even with the front a the hole. (See where the sandals is in that photo above.) That'll let aim up your turds ta drop square inta the hole.

  5. Squat and shit. Ya don't even need ta squat all that much. Vanholio squats maybe as much as sittin' on a tall chair. Also helps ta pull your buttcheeks apart.

  6. Keep squatting and wipe. Have that TP handy so ya don't have to stand up. If ya stand, ya might squish the leftover crap onta your buttcheeks more.

  7. Dispose a the toilet paper: Option 1: Drop it inta the hole like you'd expect. Option 2: Put the used TP inta a ziplock bag ta carry to a trash can. That's what Vanholio does in arid places.

  8. Piss inta the hole, if ya gotta. Most nutrients that leave the body come out in pee. I figure that and the moisture'll help the crap break down quicker.

  9. Clean your ass. Having a clean ass is your No. 1 vanlife priority. There or back at camp, use some "flushable" wipes to make sure there ain't nothin' left in the crack. Get your whole nethers clean.

  10. Put on your britches. Or go commando. Your call.

  11. Fill in the hole. Maybe stomp on it after to squash that dirt down.

  12. Wash your hands. If ya ain't got soap and water ta spare, do like Vanholio does. Clean your hands with another wipe, then use some antiseptic gel.

  13. Enjoy the relief. Walk away. Sigh deep. Hell, smoke 'em if ya got 'em.

Honestly, ya get used to it. It ain't that bad. After years on the road, Vanholio don't see no need ta carry a tiny toilet with him. No siree!




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Last Update: 2/02/2019

Road Trip! Haida Gwaii, BC, Alaska, and Points North!


Vanholio's been thinkin' an' itchin' at the feet. Six months'n more Texas housebound's got him ready ta Go Big and Go Alaska! Plan is ta meander toward British Columbia and Alaska late March, early April. And he needs your help!

Check out the embedded Google Map below. Vanholio needs your advice on good places along the way. Don't mean tourist traps. I mean good free camp spots, cheap eats, little known side treks, hot springs and swimmin' holes for a bath, things like that.

And I ain't in no hurry, neither. Might take a month or more ta get up North.



"But Vanholio!," ya say, "You're missin' all the best stuff in the mountains and National Parks!" Well, first off, Vanholio's been ta all them parks.

Second, leavin' in spring, the notion is drive desert on the way up, goin' for sunshine and mid-50's weather. Mountains'll be too cold'n snowy that early. Might hit 'em on the way back south, though! TBD

That route there ain't set in stone none neither. It's a work in progress. But it avoids most big cities and interstates. And it keeps ta warmish high desert – Colorado Plateau, Great Basin, Inland Empire, and BC Interior. At least til the end.

Plans A, B or C?


At the end of that road, Vanholio's got a buddy with open invite up in the Haida Gwaii islands. Plan A after is a sidetrip ta Hyder, AK ta notch Vanholio's belt with his 50th USA state. Then it's back south one way or d'other.

But who knows! Maybe he'll hear the Northern Lights callin'! Plans B and C is up the ALCAN Highway or by Alaska State Ferry along the Alaska Marine Highway … Ya'll stay tuned!

So, ya got advice? Wanna hear it. Post in them comments!




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