Last Update: 10/10/2017

How to Escape Autonomous Killer Robots

drone carrying chain saw
An admirer of these manifestos emailed with an important question: "What are yer plans fer escapin' certain death by autonomous killer robots built by Google?" Here's my response ...

Reader's Original Email

Dear Vanholio,

What are yer plans fer escapin' certain death by autonomous killer robots built by Google?

As you know, the Earth has begun a new Maunder Minimum. In the coming decade, we will see progressively colder climate throughout the world. Food prices will rise so high the common folk won't be able to afford it. The Facebook and iPhones that have made them incapable of individual thought and/or critical thinking and problem solving skills leaves the common chattel unable to survive without handouts from big pharma, big credit, big welfare, and big gubament.

As the world starves and eradicates itself through violent ass-burgers SJW eruptions of Orweillian-style hate, I expect the Vanholio to be hidin' in his van, of course.... But what about those gosh damn robots? Ya got yer lasers ready? They better be charged and ready, because aint no way a Vanholio would be able to survive in the megacities - under strict carbon taxation and control - stripped of individual thought and completely animated by the corporate overlords... Amazon, Google, Walmart, DowDuPont, Goldman Sachs, and the list goes on.

?? #Vanlife question? Contact Vanholio! direct !!

Vanholio's Original Response

Sasquatch drawing with Vanholio's face
Vanholio last seen headin' to the hills
Hi, [name retracted],

Never had a plan, but these are my general ideas, in order. (Vanholio is a sneak, not a fighter.)

  1. Leave the USA. But that might not be enough if it's a worldwide crackdown.

  2. Head to the southerly hills. Abandon the van if needed. Live like a coyote foraging in nature, scavenge dumps, and theft as needed.

  3. Play along, act respectable, and engage in subversion from the inside. But seein' as I can't stomach that now, this would be a desperate move.

Expanded Thoughts on Keepin' Your Freedom

Since gettin' that original letter some weeks ago, I been thinkin' and readin' on this topic.

The comin' problems ain't really about autonomous killer robots, Global Warming (or another Ice Age), or today's dominant multinational corporations – though they could be. We don't know exactly who's gonna try and pen us in or how. But you can guaran-damn-tee someone or somethin' is.

Hell, they're doin' it today! Think how unelected credit agencies, like Equifax, got ya by the nuts. Most a us have had some bullshit on our credit reports. And if ya tried, you know what a pain in the ass it is to fix it. Then think how the bastards who hacked Equifax got ya by the balls, too. If they run up bills with your identity, it's gonna suck worse.

Civilization Has Always Oppressed the Common People

Look at your history, though. Ain't states, warlords, big companies, religions, and the like always had the common man by the balls?

The big players have always been forcin' folks to fight in their wars, work themselves to death as slaves or serfs, pay taxes that don't ever quite pay back fair, and generally forget they're born free and as good as anyone.

And the Common People Have Always Resisted

Cover of The Art of Not Being Governed by James C. Scott

But historically, people have always resisted their rulers. Either they cheat or they run. As a lazy anarchist, Vanholio proudly identifies himself with this tradition.

The common people cheat on their taxes, smuggle goods, poach, steal shit from work, grow weed in their homes, avoid the draft, and desert the army. To put it simple, they do what they need to do to survive.

And if that ain't enough to get by, they vote with their feet. Either they move to another country, or they head to the hills, mountains, swamps, marshes, desert, sea, or wherever The Man don't have power and/or don't care to look.

Sure, they sometimes fight back direct. But that's more rare as the powerful usually got things stacked to their advantage.

Remember You're Free – And Act Like It

Gandhi quote on slaves thinking they're free No, Vanholio don't know exactly how THEY are gonna try and fuck with him in future. But he keeps his heart free and his eyes open. As troubles present, he's gonna do what he needs to do, whether that's run or cheat. He might even rebel directly if needs be.

And if Google sends out actual, real autonomous killer robots? Vanholio'll hide in a cave. And if I gotta, I'll shoot some down with an EMP gun!

Also See ...


  1. I'm working on a pocket-sized electromagnetic pulse generator to deal with this problem.

    1. I want one the size of a laser pointer pen.