Last Update: 1/15/2018

Newsflash – Starting an Online Business Is Hard


Here's a genius article: "Is the future of work necessarily glamorous? Digital nomads and ‘van life.'" The authors find vanlife entrepreneurs ain't makin' money.

Well ain't that a fuckin' shock! In the age of online work, digital nomads, vanlife, freelancing, and all the rest, most still struggle to start a business!

… many confessed that their activity was (until now) not really profitable, with their activities being financed through personal savings, family support or gift exchanges.

So these authors – fuckin' academics! – visited with digital nomads in a bunch a countries and all kindsa settings, and it turns out the young people aren't really makin' a livin'. That includes the vanlife bloggers.

Isn't vanlife lifestyle bloggin' supposed to be easy? Don't ya just take some cool shots of ya doin' yoga by a mountain lake, retro vanagon in the background, and the cash starts rollin' in?

Look, gettin' started in business has always been hard. Most fail. And when you're doin' something artistic, it's even harder. Suppliers always exceed the demand. I posted about this a couple weeks ago.

The authors conclude that it's still worth it to young graduates as some kinda learnin' experience. Well, sure. Takin' life by the nuts is always worth a try, especially when you're young and can make up your losses.

But only a dumbass thinks they'll just jump out there and make a million in vanlife blogging. Or any other kinda digital nomad business, for that matter.
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Last Update: 1/12/2018

What If You Only Had Six Months to Live?

van in the desert under the milky way


Vanholio ain't got much wisdom. But he's learned to ask hisself this question: If I only had six months to live, what would I do? Then I plan accordingly.

The power of that question come to me some years ago. I was going through a rough patch, a breakup with my ex. I'd always seen us together, growin' old. I didn't know what the fuck to do. Was totally fuckin' lost.
Then somehow, that question – What would I do if I only had six months to live? – came to me. The answer? Told myself I'd sell everything up, buy an RV, go sit my ass in Big Bend National Park, and write a novel. That was my guiding star.

After I moved out, I did something close. I stayed in my friend's country deer-hunting trailer for the summer. I wrote a crappy first draft of a novel. (It'll never see press. Trust me.) I was miserable after the breakup, but I was thrilled with how I was living.

That was a decade ago. And I went down some wrong paths since then. But that guiding star was always in my vision.

Today, the answer is almost the same: I'd travel and write. So I'm an OTR vandweller doing just that. It's a miracle life, this "living in a van down by the river."

What's *your* vision? What would *you* do if you only had six months to live?

Want to spend more time with family? Find a way to work less or maybe have longer vacations together, like going into teaching to have summers off.

Walk the Appalachian trail? Start backpacking on vacations and set aside money to take on the AP eventually.

Want to make sure your kids and SO have a house owned free and clear?
Prioritize your spending to pay that sucker off.

Want to work in your garden? Maybe look at going into market farming or community garden organizing.

In the real world, you might not bullseye your perfect vision. There's a whole lot of fuckin' considerations. But you can get damn close if you're honest about what you want.

What I found about getting into vandwelling and writing is that it wasn't that hard. Yes, I had to plan and make sacrifices. It took time to pull everything together. But the logistics flowed easier than expected once I set myself to reaching that star. It's bein' clear with yourself and makin' the fuckin' decision that's hard.

So I ask you: What would *you* do if you only had six months to live?


Cover of "All the Whores I Knowed Before" a book by Vanholio! For sale on Amazon.com. Click through.

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Last Update: 1/09/2018

Made This Egg Salad Sandwich for ZERO DOLLARS, ZERO MESS!

closeup of egg salad sandwich

Two things to tell: 1. How to make a vanlife egg salad sandwich without no mess, and 2. How this particular sandwich's fixins cost me absolutely nothin'.

How to Make an Egg Salad Sandwich in the Van


Well, you *could* make it the usual way, in a bowl. But then you have to clean that shit out. No, this is better. Vanholio makes his up in a Ziploc bag!

ingredients for egg salad sandwich: bread, boiled eggs, mayonnaise packets, Ziploc
1. Gather your fixins. I usually do about 3 hard boiled eggs to 2 packets of mayo. Makes 2 sandwiches. But go to your taste.

hard boiled eggs broken up inside Ziploc
2. Put the fixins in the bag. Zip it closed so there ain't much air in there.Then gently work with your finders til ya get it as pasty as you like. Treat that huevo sack like it was your own, so as you don't pop it!


egg salad getting squeezed out of Ziploc onto bread
3. Cut or bite off one corner of the Ziploc. Then squeeze out the egg salad like it's frosting.


When you're done, just throw out the bag. Ain't hardly no cleanup, unless you made a mess with the eggshells.

How I Got These Egg Salad Fixins for FREE


Vanholio's been gettin' extra thrifty lately. It's that or get a real job ...

One thing I took up is usin' coupon apps on my smartphone. Two I tried so far and like are Coupons.com's app and Ibotta. Both let ya save digital coupons in the app. Then you redeem them by takin' a photo of your receipts.

(BTW, use this link to sign up for Ibotta, and you get a $10 signup bonus. Plus Vanholio gets a kickback. Or use this code when you sign up through the app: BTYJBXW)

They both got lots a good manufacturer coupons at Walmart and a ton a other grocery chains. But they also both got coupons on generic goods, like eggs, fruits and veggies, bread, etc.

Last week, Coupons.com had two generic Walmart coupons. One was for up to $2.50 in free eggs. I got 18 large eggs free. The other coupon was for $2.00 off any brand a sliced bread. I found a loaf a Walmart multigrain for $1.98, so that was free.

Email from Coupons.com showing rebate into PayPal account for items purchased

While I was there, I picked up two free mayo packets from the deli. I usually use mayo packets from Walmart or convenience stores so I don't have to worry about refridgeratin' a big jar.

Eggs, bread, and mayo all FREE! Well, I guess that Ziplock and season salt I used cost some, but I aint' complainin' none, I tell you what.
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Last Update: 1/04/2018

Goin'a Quartzsite? Oh Hell No!

It's that time a year again. Every RVer, rubber tramp, nomad, vandweller, and any other kinda vanlife scamp is showin' up at Quartzsite, AZ. But not Vanholio!

At my camp in New Mexico right now, I got four other rigs in view. That's four vanlife rigs too many! My prayer as I go to sleep is that they'll be gone in the mornin'. Either that, or I'll be dead. One's as good as the other.

Vanholio's a Loner ...


Like hell I wanna crowd up in some piece a shit bit a flat desert Arizona with four thousand or more! How's a man supposed to step outside and pee with all them folks around? Tell me that!

Vanholio didn't get inta this vanlife thing to mozy up with strangers – even strangers in vans. He's a hermit on wheels, yessir.

Goddammit, I never did go to Burning Man. And I never even went to Ft. Lauderdale or Padre as a youngun. I ain't fixin' to turn joiner now!

If I want to meet someone – anyone, even YOU – I'll do it one-on-one, where I can hear what the hell you're sayin' and look ya in the eye. And leave shortly if everythin' goes tits up.

'But I Wanna Go ..." You Say?


Mind you, I don't begrudge others their fun. If you're goin' to Quartzsite for the big RV show, Rubber Tramp Rendezvous, schoolie gathering, Escapees, or whatever, why, God bless ya. If it creams yer gravy, go for it. You can have my share.

OK, yes, Vanholio is an ornery ol' sorehead. Ain't I always told ya'll that? Ain't ya been listenin'? (Maybe not ...)

So to sum up what ain't worth botherin' over – I ain't showin' up in Quartzsite this month for no vanlife rendezvousness. Unless I change my mind.


Cover of "All the Whores I Knowed Before" a book by Vanholio! For sale on Amazon.com. Click through.
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Last Update: 1/02/2018

Stuck on a Freezing New Year's Eve

Tire stuck in gravel
Sommabitch! Got stuck in stream gravel in Del Rio, Texas. Why does this shit happen to me? Has Vanholio got some kinda perverted talent for offroad driving? Like the time got myself stuck on a sand dune.

The sad part is it weren't even exactly offroad driving. Well, it was, but just for a second.

It was about 7:30 pm on New Year's Eve. Vanholio was headin' west, close to Del Rio. He was tired. It was foggy-misty and cold as fuck. He decided to check out this fishin' park near Sycamore Creek off US 277 in Del Rio. (It's a site I'd never explored but had marked on Freecampsites.net some time ago.)

I pulled in and saw a few picnic tables. But the paved drive kept on under the overpass. Wanted to see if there was campsites on the other side.

park road by Sycamore Creek, Del Rio, Texas
Gravel just past where you see
But just under the bridge, it turned to gravel and started down to the crick. Figured I'd better turn around. So I went to turn around one a the pillars. The gravel started feelin' soft.

Just as that thought came inta mind, I was stuck. Just like that. Front wheels diggin' down inta the gravel. Fuck!

Tweren't nothin' for it! It was dark, below freezin', and wet. Snow and sleet was potential. So I went to bed, figured I'd pick up at daylight.

Well, long story short, couldn't dig myself out. Too loose. Called AAA. Bein' New Year's Day, took the boys 'bout 3 hours to get there. No complaints, though. They ended up winchin' me out by a sideways angle.

US 277 overpass of Sycamore Creek, creek below and dark clouds
Cold day on Sycamore Creek
As I write this, Vanholio and Ms. Barkley are sittin' at Goodyear in Del Rio. The news ain't good. Alignment is out. Worse, the frame or somethin' is bent, and they can't do alignment till that's worked out!

How the fuck much is a second a poor decision gonna cost me! Godammit, fuck, fuck, fuck!!!

At least it's still driveable. I'll nurse her to Las Cruces, where Vanholio's got some business in a day or three. I'll find a body shop up there and do the deal.

Note to self: Don't drive when tired and/or at night and/or in poor visibility. Dumbass.

Wal-Mart.com USA, LLC

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Last Update: 12/29/2017

Should You Start a Van Life YouTube, Instagram or Blog?

woman looking at laptop screen with crazy look in her eyes
The short answer is "no." Actually, "Hell no!" But that's only if your main goal is makin' money. Like rock'n'roll or pro sports, few van life bloggers ever get the cabbage.

If you must do a van life blog, vlog, whatever, do it mainly for fun. Cause that's mostly all you'll likely get outta it.

?? #Vanlife question? Contact Vanholio! direct !!

Takes Skill, Time, and Sizzle to Make Van Life Blog Money


Those who do make cabbage usually have skills: photography, video editing, writing, etc. They usually also have something extra attractive about them, e.g. charm or a tight, delicious ass.

Oh, and they've also worked damn hard over a long time. There ain't no instant success on YouTube, Instagram, blogs, Twitter, Facebook, or any other social media. That includes writin' and sellin' books.

And if you mainly want attention and praise, that's scarce too. People got lotsa shit to look at online, and they don't give a crap about you. You ain't that special. Bein' ignored will become a way of life.

Here's the Hard Facts



Vanholio! Is Typical Van Life Blog Case


I been doin' this blog a year and a half now. That's about 140 posts and thousands a hours work. That includes time on social media, webmasterin', readin', writin' guest blogs, throwin' together a little book, jackin' around with advertising and affiliate programs, and all kindsa other backend shit.

After all that, is Vanholio ridin' rich'n pretty? Hell no! I make maybe $20-30 a month off this blog! Woulda been smarter to work a minimum wage job.

Oh, and did I mention that Vanholio's got years experience as a pro marketing writer? (Wouldn't know it with some a the shit I post …)

But that's OK. I gots my priorities in order:
  1. Have fun writin' 
  2. Help and entertain readers
  3. Make money

Course, writin' 'bout the UNSEXY parts a van life with sarcasm and a Texas drawl really really narrows my readership. Probably do better money-wise reviewin' smartphones or some shit. But that'd be boring as fuck.

Only Start a Van Life Blog for Love


So do your van life YouTube, Instagram, Twitter, blog, whatever if you MUST! Do it if it's comin' from your heart.

But if you're just lookin' for an easy way to make scratch, don't fuckin' bother. Unless you got skills, patience, and are ready to put in serious sweat.

Also See ...

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Last Update: 12/22/2017

3 Ways to Survive a Vanlife Christmas

VW campervan covered in christmas lights
Well, what the fuck makes Christmas and all those other end-of-year holidays so goddamn merry anyway? Sometimes they ain’t. I know, I been there. For anyone, holidays can be stressful. If you live alone in a van down by the river? Can be that much worse.

But here’s Vanholio’s constructive ideas to get your head outta your ass. Try happy out. You’ll like it!

?? #Vanlife question? Contact Vanholio! direct !!

1. Do Something Fun by Yourself, for Yourself


No point sitting around like the Grinch, stewin’ in your own juices. Make merry on your lonesome.

Some years back, Vanholio got divorced. It was rough. Naturally.

First Father’s Day alone, away from the kids, the blackness was overtakin’ me. The swamp looked deep and cool, easy to just sink on into.

So I got off my ass and went for a loooong hike up a mountain ridge. Natural beauty, tons of exercise, the knowledge that I was a free man in nature. Did me good. Picked me right the hell up. Got me through the day. I even had some fun.

What would you like to do? Something you don’t normally get to. Go to a favorite place? Stay in a fancy hotel? Play a shit ton of video games? Give yourself that special present.

2. Elbow Your Way to the Table


Now, Vanholio’s normally a bit shy. He don’t just make friends everywhere. That’s by choice

But couple Thanksgivings ago, he was in Florida. I’ve got some friends in Florida, but they already had plans to be guests elsewhere.

It was forward of me, but I asked my friends if they could wangle an invitation to Thanksgiving where they was going. They agreed. They got it. I went.

Turns out the hostess had been a career Army nurse and totally got the need to find “family” wherever you can on the road. Never felt more welcome. Lovely people. One of my best Thanksgivings ever.

If you’re not near people to ask, go near people. Stay at an RV park. Bet most of them got something going on. Hell, I bet Slab City’s got a heck of a party planned!

3. Gather Your Own Posse


Don’t you think other vandwellers might be in the same spot? That they don’t got people nearby (or at all)?

Start a gathering! Don’t need anything fancy. A location and a potluck will do. Cheap RV Living folks are gatherin' early in and around Quartzite, AZ for the Rubber Tramp Rendezvous. Get into the Cheap RV Living Forum to see what's up. If you can’t hook up with them, do what they’re doing where you are! Ain’t hard.

Talk to folks on the other forums, too: /r/vandwellers, Squat the Planet, and Vandog Traveller. Plenty of van folk in the same position you are.


Also See …

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