Last Update: 2/23/2018

5 Unusual Stealth Camping Spots OTR

Sketchy van parked in abandoned building

Here's some crazy stealth boondock spots Vanholio's used travelin' on the road. He's always keepin' an eye out for 'em, especially when Walmart ain't nearby.

Some are legal. Most is legal or iffy. Unless overnight campin' is specifically allowed, I advise ya get in near dark and leave early, and stay alert. If it's a touristy area, maybe don't push it too much. Cops will check on their rounds.

1. Fishin' Access

Satellite photo of small Colorado reservoir
Tiny Colorado reservoir (more a pond) with fishin' access

Where there's water, people camp. That's a fact. If ya pass a body a water, however tiny, look for a spot. If ya see blue on the Google Map, swing by and check it out.

Lotsa states got legal fishin' access areas, even on small creeks and reservoir ponds. Rocky mountain states make a point of it. Those states also usually allow overnight campin' (if it's not a touristy area). They often got a vault toilet, too.

In places where it ain't exactly legal, it's usually tolerated. The local teenagers and hobos know where these spots is. Look for a dirt vehicle trail headin' inta brush. Dollars ta donuts that down by the water, you'll find a old campfire with broken glass and beer cans all around.

2. Bridges

Satellite photo of bridge with river access
Dirt road goes down under bridge and along the river

Bridges all kinds usually got someplace ya can camp overnight. And they space under and around a bridge is often a kinda no man's land. That and shelter's why hobos love 'em.

The problem with boondockin' by a bridge is traffic. Remote bridges where there ain't much night traffic is best.

In that photo above, the road down by the bridge is for fishin' access. But you'll find a way down under bridges that cross washes, canyons, gulches, train tracks, and roads, too.

3. Road Maintenance Cache Pulloffs

Satellite image of road cache pulloff
Found this almost-hidden pulloff in New Mexico's Black Range

Not sure what ta call these exactly. What I'm talkin' 'bout are little roadside pulloffs where state and county road crews keep piles a sand and salt. Also sometimes they park equipment there.

The pulloffs are all over. In the mountains, they usually got 'em just before the steep and snowline. As it's public land, it should be legal. Not sure. Only signs I ever seen were warnins not ta steal from the maintenance piles, if they got 'em.

4. Utility Substations

Satellite image of telecom substation
Parked right afront this substation one night, just like I belonged

Substations for electric, water, and telecom is all over the country. Often they're surrounded by chain link and on private land. But maybe 1 outta 3 times, ya can get in there without crossin' Farmer Brown's land.

Park behind them. Or if your rig looks like a work truck, just park it right out in the open. It'll look like utility workers just left it there overnight.

5. Vacant Buildings

Satellite image of adandoned hotel with hidden loading bay
No one'll see ya in that loading bay

Old buildings or buildings under construction are great places to boondock. Who the hell is gonna be there overnight!? Especially as zonin' separates most from residential areas.

Commercial buildings often have a loading bay, and it's usually in the back or otherwise hidden from the road. Perfect!

If there's construction vehicles and your rig looks like a work van or truck, just park by the construction equipment. Who's to say ya don't belong?

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Last Update: 2/21/2018

Vanholio's Growin' Some Wisdom, Takin' Fewer Risks

hand touching stove burner coil

Was smart 'nough to hold still by this spot for 4 nights last week. Better than gettin' stuck in the mud. Maybe I learned a thing or two ...

Read about it in this Steemit post. I got out Sunday.
Then today, I was drivin' down some forest roads, tryin' ta get ta the top a the mountain. When I come to a sandy stream bed, I turned back. Maybe I coulda made it without gettin' stuck. But I didn't risk it.

Why Vanholio grown so smart? Check out the links in the "Also See" below. And that's just some a the fuckups I posted about!!! There's more, trust me.

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Last Update: 2/16/2018

Are You Homeless if You Live in a Van?

Smiling man sits on cooler in front of van by the Alaska sea shore. Is he homeless or not? You can’t tell.

Per Uncle Sam, if you don’t live in a code-approved building, you’re "homeless." That shit ain't realistic for van life nomads. It’s about being broke and short on options. Here’s a tale of two vandwellers, Vanholio and Vanholio Sr., to show you why.

A Tale of Two Vandwellers

Vanholio Sr. (Pops) Was Homeless

Pops had problems. He could never hold down a job for one thing. I think he had major depression, along with some notions on life that didn’t help him none. Never could get a straight answer from family, and Pops died in my teens. Whatever his problems were, his life was a goddamn mess.

I remember a year or two that Pops lived in his old VW Bus. It was parked in the fenced lot behind his friend’s car repair shop. You know, where they keep the cars they’re gonna fix.

I’d visit him and stay in the old vanagon. Even in winter with four foot of snow. Even in sweltering, sticky summers.

He’d avoid driving the VW because he couldn’t afford gas and maintenance. Probably wasn’t insured, I bet. We’d walk or take public transport everywhere.

To get a shower, we’d walk to an old YMCA after dark, climb up the fire escape, and a buddy would let us in a window.

At the time, I didn’t think nothing of it. Didn’t realize Pops was homeless until I was an adult. He was out of money and short on options. He lived in a van as his best worst choice.

When Pops was almost dead, I asked him, “What do you dream about?” I guess I’d seen too many dumb movies and thought the dying had some spiritual wisdom. But what he said was, “All the shitty places I’ve lived.”

Vanholio Ain’t Nothing Like Homeless

Unlike Pops, I got options – shitloads of options. In America, that means cash. Hell, I’m better off than the average American, who can’t handle a $500 surprise bill!

Vanholio owns his comfy van outright and ain't got no debts. He’s got plenty of savings for a rainy day. He’s got an adequate income. He’s even got medical insurance!

Most important, thanks to cheap, effective antidepressants, therapy, and some good life lessons, Vanholio ain’t got Pops' problems. (Yes, I inherited the famil depression. Written the morbid poetry to prove it!)

Vanholio is living the good life: plenty of money, plenty of friends, a cheerful outlook, and decent health. Plus I wake up in beautiful places. Today that’s a Utah mountain forest!

I could live in gov’ment sanctioned bricks and sticks. But I don’t wanna. Vanholio has made the happy choice to live in a van, a choice uncoerced by shitty circumstances. And that’s why he ain’t homeless, whatever fucked up definition for “homeless” Uncle Sam uses.

A Better Understanding of 'Homeless'

Read a 2014 interview with Andrew Waits, photographer of “Boondock,” a collection of vehicle dweller photos. He looked at both those who didn’t embrace van life and those who did, those who consider themselves homeless and those who consider themselves lucky.

I observed that many times the deciding factor in whether an individual identifies as homeless has to do with whether or not that person has a safety net in place. This could mean money in the form of savings, a pension, health insurance, or disability. However, the impact is much greater when that safety net also includes family, friends, or a community of support.

So there you have it. In their own eyes, homeless people are those who can’t live in a place they consider safe and decent because they lack a safety net. A defining part of being “homeless” is being so broke and isolated that you’re short on good options for the necessities of life. Living in a van down by the river is almost despite the point.

Cover of "All the Whores I Knowed Before" a book by Vanholio! For sale on Click through.

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Last Update: 2/12/2018

What Are BLM and Forest Service Roads Like to Drive?

VW bus driving forest service road in mountains

If ya wanna get inta vanlife boondockin', ya likely been curious 'bout what it's like to drive unpaved backroads. That and what gear ya need. Let me tell ya!

Now, Vanholio ain't no offroad drivin' expert. But he's gone down plenty a forest service roads and other unpaved roads in near three years a vanlife. So he's got a view to the situation. Plus he's made plenty a mistakes and paid in hassle and repairs. So listen up!

Vanholio's Advice on Drivin' Forest Service Roads

Tire stuck on rock
Look what Vanholio! did to hisself!
This below conversation (edited somewhat) is from when Vanholio got hisself stuck last fall. A fellow handled "Antigroundhogday," who's workin' toward vanlife, wanted intel on the forest service roads. Been meanin' to post it for all ya'll's education for a while.

Antigroundhogday: What recovery gear do you roll with?

Vanholio: Not enough! Digging supplies [e.g., shovel], good jack, Slime, 12v air pump, spare tire, tow strap, tools. Really need some traction pads.

[I'd add to this list several days of food and water, blankets or sleeping bag, lighter, flashlight, first aid kit, cell phone (or satellite communicator if you're waaaay back), tree strap, and Come-a-Long winch or HiLift Jack.]

Antigroundhogday: As a guy who is sitting at a desk watching you live the life, I wish I knew what the terrain looked like, that requires rescue tools that you mentioned. There are these picture as places I see vandwellers go to, but I have a hard time associating them with tools required.

Vanholio: 95% a the time, forest service roads are pretty smooth, like these two below.

2 Average FSR in Good Repair

2 Average FSR in Good Repair

Sometimes they're a bit more wore down, like these two. Then ya just gotta watch for the occasional rock stickin' up a bit.

2 FSR Slightly Eroded But Passable

2 FSR Slightly Eroded But Passable

Where I get in trouble is when I hit mud, sand, a creek crossing, or serious erosion (like these last photos) and think to myself, "Oh, I can pick my way ..." 'cause I don't want to turn back.

2 FSR Highly Eroded, Mainly Jeep Trails

2 FSR Highly Eroded, Mainly Jeep Trails

Understand, I don't really got a offroad vehicle. I'm using something designed for street and pushing my luck.

[Vanholio's got a Ram Promaster City. Since this conversation, he's gotten a lift and all-terrain tires.]

Antigroundhogday: Many thanks for the photos. So these tougher roads... are they the road to these incredible places with views for miles or just you being a guy and saying "why not, let's see what's down here?"

Vanholio: Yeah, the latter mainly. Ya really don't need 4WD to get most places, including WOW places. In fact, WOW places often get the paved roads. The only thing I would really advise for any of the gravel or dirt roads is good tires. Don't go cheap on those. More clearance and 4WD or AWD gives you more slack and options [especially with snow, sand, and mud]. But it is far, far from a must.

Dig Deeper

Antigroundhogday posted ta the Cheap RV Living forum, seekin' more advice. Read the thread. It rounds out what Vanholio said and fills in the cracks. Ya might learn somethin'! I did!

Cover of "All the Whores I Knowed Before" a book by Vanholio! For sale on Click through.

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Last Update: 2/08/2018

Chicken Gizzards, Hearts, and Rice

Gizzards and rice dish in Max Burton 12v Digital Stove to Go

Today, Vanholio didn't do shit but cook up some chicken gizzards, hearts, and rice. Sound gross to you? Well, you don't know what's good! Try this recipe.

You Eaten Gizzards Plenty!

Besides, if you been eatin' chicken, I guarantee you been eatin' gizzards and hearts. Probably ground up into sausage-type things. Maybe nuggets.

Gizzards and hearts and nothin' but strong, active muscles. No nasty organ flavor.

And like all tough muscles, they's best stewed slow to break up the collagen inta gelatin, makin' it mouth tender. Ain't nothin' to it!

AND they're fuckin' cheap! Got a 3/4 of a pound for $1.02! That means 2 meals, at least, for less than $2 total!

Tyson chicken gizzards and hearts at Walmart on clearance for $0.88 per pound

Vanholio's Recipe, As Such

OK, now let me say right off that Vanholio don't normally use recipes nor provide them. He's been cookin' since he was tall 'nough ta see the top a the stove. He learned by experimentin' and watchin' cookin' shows. So now it's all by feel.

But I'll do my best. Here goes …

I put the gizzards and hearts in my Max Burton Digital Stove to Go, added a chopped onion, two chicken-herb bullion cubes, a handful a Auguson Farms Vegetable Stew Blend, and covered with water. Set the stove ta heat and let 'er rip for about 3 hours.

Then I added a tad more water, a tablespoon or more of Old Bay Seasoning, canola oil for fat and ta prevent boilin' over, and dry white rice. How much a all that? Not sure. Eyeballed it.

After another hour, she were done. Tender chicken. Flavorful rice. Full bellies for Vanholio and Ms. Barkley.

It ain't hard. It ain't expensive. And it sure is good. Ain't nothin' weird 'bout eatin' gizzards and hearts, no siree!

Cover of "All the Whores I Knowed Before" a book by Vanholio! For sale on Click through.

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Last Update: 2/06/2018

Best Van for Vanlife Conversion? 2 Articles and Some Considerations

Red BedfordCA campervan

That's the question everyone thinkin' about vanlife asks. The answer is there is no perfect vanlife van. Far as Vanholio's concerned, "vanlife" means livin' minimalist on the road. To do that, even a bicycle could work.

That said, ya probably wanna build a *van* van – if ya can't buy a conversion campervan outright, that is. Most folks do.

That's where this article on Curbed is a real help: "The 5 best vans for your DIY camper conversion." I think it's a fair overview of the fullsize vans out there.

But Why Go So Big? Small Vans Rock!

Vanholio's in a Promaster City, a tiny van that serves him just fine. Similar are the Ford Transit Connect,  Nissan NV200, and Mercedes-Benz Metris.

The smaller vans got two major advantages, to my mind. First, they got better mileage. Second, if you're not a fulltimer, they do better double duty as daily drivers. You can find lotsa conversion examples online for the smaller vans.

6 Questions to Ask of Every Van

But whatever kinda a vehicle you're considerin', take a look at my "6 Questions to Ask when Choosing Your Van Life Rig." I bring it back ta First Principles. That's where ya wanna start, not in a showroom.

Cover of "All the Whores I Knowed Before" a book by Vanholio! For sale on Click through.

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Last Update: 2/03/2018

When Your Fuckin' Air Mattress Goes Flat!

Goddamit, Thursday night sucked. Just as I was about to go to sleep, my air mattress went flat. Ended up in a pricey  fuckin' motel room. I want my van back!

Wahhhhhhhhh, haaahh, awahhhh!!!

(In case ya missed the memo, my van's in the shop. And the fuckin' air mattress is part of temporary digs.)

Yeah, so, I got all settled down back in Cibola National Forest, up on a mesa between Gallup and Grants, NM. Was there for hours, no problem! Then about 10:30 pm, just I was settlin' in to sleep, the air mattress sprung a leak. Still don't know where.

A flat air mattress in that rental Dodge Grand Caravan meant almost no insulation on a 20° F (-7 C) night, a hard bed, and a good chance a tie rings diggin' inta my back! Fuck that shit!

So I loaded up and drove inta Grants. It were about 11:30 when I got in.

Now, a tougher (or broker) man woulda gotten a new air mattress at Walmart and slept in the lot. But Vanholio was a whiney wimp that night. He got hisself a Motel 6 room.

Not only did that shit cost me $45 with tax, it sucked. The room was blasted hot. The mattress was old. The room stank a sewer gas. And Ms. Barkley got stirred up by every sound of the neighbors. We didn't get no sleep till near 3 am!

Then I woke up at 8 am anyhow and was draggin' all day. Didn't get shit done.

Got myself a new air mattress. Hope it lasts til the van's done, Wednesday latest they say. ...

Goddammit, I'm tired of the fuckin' air mattress. I want MY van back NOW!  Waaaaaaaaahhhhhh!!!!

Cover of "All the Whores I Knowed Before" a book by Vanholio! For sale on Click through.

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