Last Update: 11/01/2016

3 Deliveries Fucked in One Shitty Day

Woman frowns about dropped ice cream cone. More about van life down by the river at
Van life ain’t roses all the time. Here’s a timeline of how three deliveries got fucked in one shitty Friday. Even though Vanholio did everything mostly right.

8:30 a.m. – Rerouting UPS Delivery

Vanholio’d ordered from for delivery to Silver City post office General Delivery. That was a gamble as the item was small. The post office don't normally accept UPS deliveries. But yes, it was coming UPS instead of USPS after all. Gotta hold of UPS customer service and request to pick up at the Silver City UPS Customer Center. Change approved. Good so far.

10:30 a.m. – Drive Into Silver City

Camp is about 40 minutes away. But it's a beautiful day, and everything's going my way ...

11:30 a.m. – Pickup Mail Bundle

Stop by the Silver City post office to pick up my forwarded mail bundle. It was sent by my Traveling Mailbox to General Delivery. Packet in and in my hand. Things are still going good. But not for long!

12:00 p.m. – Prescription Madness, Part 1

Doing laundry, I log onto to order two prescription refills, to be picked up at the Silver City Walmart. Prescription A can’t be done online because it requires a transfer. OK. Try to order Prescription B. Just as I’m clicking submit, the site changes my store to a Walmart in Texas I used recently. Fuckit.

I call the Walmart pharmacy customer service, asking, “B went to a Walmart in Texas, and A prescription is stuck a different Texas Walmart. How can I get them transferred?” Agent says, “Call both Texas Walmarts and ask them to hold the prescription. Then call the Silver City Walmart and ask them to transfer in both for refill.”

Vanholio makes his three fucking extra calls to Walmarts all over the goddamned place. Silver City assures me it’s OK, says come by in an hour to pick ‘em up. Fine.

2:00 p.m. – Mail Advice Written, Posted

Laundry done, I head to the Walmart parking lot to hang out for a bit, writing and posting “Pick Up Mail and Packages on the Road.” It tells you how things are supposed to work. Excellent advice, ‘cept it ain’t working for shit today. Can we say "irony"?

3:30 p.m. – Prescription Madness, Part 2

Head into Walmart pharmacy to pick up prescriptions. Clerk says there’s a problem, sends me to Drop Off counter. “Sir,” says Clerk 2, “Prescription A has no refills.” Vanholio says, “Yes, it does. I’ll get the bottle.”

Go out to car and bring back bottles for both prescriptions, A and B, just in case. Clerk 2 finally figures it out. Apparently, despite giving them the prescription numbers, whoever I talked to earlier tried to fill a different A prescription off a second Vanholio profile in the Walmart system. Why does Vanholio have two profiles? Why does he have two prescriptions for the same med? Fuck if anyone knows.

Clerk 2, “OK, it’s all sorted out and we have A and B in stock. Be ready in 15-20 minutes.” Good. Maybe shit is finally settled.

3:45 p.m. – In-Store Pickup Clusterfuck

Walk over to the store pickup counter. I’d ordered three items a week ago off for free in-store pickup. No one is at the counter. Several clerks ask me if I’ve been helped, but none of them can work the counter.

After 20 minutes of waiting and paging assistance, Trainee Manager finally shows up. "Sorry, Sir. They sent people home. Walmart!"

Only one of my three items is in. Was told earlier in the week that the other two items would be in, but they’re not. Maybe next week? No one knows.

4:10 p.m. – Prescription Madness, Part 3

Head back to the pharmacy. Prescriptions are ready, Clerk says. But at checkout, the price is way too low. What’s up? Clerk says, “Oh, Prescription B is only a four-day supply because we don’t have it all in. We’ll get you the rest by next week.” Fuck. Now I have to come back. It’s a 40 minute drive from camp. At least I’m not leaving the area for another week.

4:30 p.m. – UPS Customer Center Missing Package

Get to UPS Customer Center. Clerk Dude can’t find package anywhere. Go to van and get tracking number. He looks up on computer. “Oh, this was delivered to the post office.” Vanholio says, “What!? I got it routed here because the post office won’t accept a UPS delivery.” Clerk Dude says, “They did. Sometimes they accept our deliveries because blah, blah, blah ...”

4:40 p.m. – Post Office Can’t Find Package

Tell Post Office Clerk, “I have a package General Delivery.” She goes back. Digs around. Get’s another clerk chick to dig around. Comes back empty handed.

“It was signed for this morning. From UPS,” I say. “Oh,” she says, “Sometimes we get drop shipments from UPS. But they aren’t unpacked till the next morning.” So Vanholio’s package is buried in a pallette of UPS shit. “Come back tomorrow or Monday.”

Why the fuck did I even get out of bed Friday? Huh!? Stay down by the river, always. That’s Vanholio's new van life motto.

Hey, Beer Vanholio! He works hard on this blog.

Also See ...

How Do I Find Lost Mail? (
Traveling Mailbox Saves Vandweller $$$$
Pick Up Mail and Packages on the Road


  1. Otherwise, there are some nice areas around Silver City.

  2. I was staying with a friend in Colorado this summer when I ordered three things from Amazon. One was sent from Amazon, the other two were sent by different vendors. The town is small and has no delivery to your door. Everyone goes to the post office to get their mail. So, the item sent directly from Amazon arrived by FedEx, even though it was sent out vis UPS. I guess they wash each other's hands on rural routes. And even though the tracking info from Amazon said the other two items were out for delivery, it was a week later and they still hadn't arrived. Because they were small items and had been sent USPS. And because I had used the street address (which FedEx and UPS would want) instead of my friend's PO box. And because I hadn't put C/O my friend in the address. Because I didn't know it would be sent USPS. So my friend and I eventually figured out the items must be at the post office. The town is small enough that they have names and PO boxes memorized, but not names and addresses. So they didn't know into whose PO box to put a delivery notice.

    Then, a couple of weeks ago, I ordered another small item from Amazon, in the middle of the night. I wanted them to ship it to a different friend's address where I am now in Nevada. Of course, Amazon wants to default to your billing address, and you have to go back in after placing the order to change the delivery address. But when I tried to do that, I got an error message saying to try later. I tried later and still got the error message. It was about 2AM by now and I said, fuck it, I'll fix it in the morning. But, naturally, the item had been shipped by the time I got up. So the part got sent to my mail forwarding address. But before doing the Amazon order, I'd just had my mail forwarded. So my seven dollar item (small, inexpensive, but kind of important and hard to find) is sitting in South Dakota until I do another mail forward.