Last Update: 3/18/2016

Save Money, Gas, and Globe – Slow Down!

Elderly male driver flips middle finger. Text reads, “Yeah, I’m driving below the speed limit. Got a problem?”
Vanholio is now your worst fucking nightmare. I’m that geezer driving 10+ miles below the speed limit, blocking traffic. And it’s earning me $600+ per year!

See, I’ve always been a pedal-to-the-metal kind of guy. In my bad-boy youth, going 100+ mph wasn’t unusual. Even in my more conservative middle age, I’ve consistently pushed that extra 5-10 mph above the limit – just enough to avoid a ticket.

But I’ve made a discovery: Driving slower saves lots of gas and cash.

After running the numbers on the MPG for Speed website, I learned I could save almost $300-400 in gas in one year. All I’d need to do is go a maximum of 55 mph highway and ease up on the acceleration and braking. I’d also be saving money on engine and wheel repairs (including tires).

Vanholio is a cheap fucking bastard, so I gave it a try. Goddammit! I increased my fucking fuel efficiency by 30%, from 20.5 mpg to 27.0 mpg! And that’s driving through the mountains and canyons of southeastern Utah.

Turns out, I’m going to save over $600 this year! That’s at $2.20 per gallon prices!

Holy fucking crap! Those are some serious goddamned negadollars, Hotrod.

That’s also 30% less CO2 warming the planet on Vanholio’s behalf. That’s another plus. I like the Earth as it is, more or less. I don’t really want a desert in Nebraska. You know, where we grow the food.

Do what Vanholio says: Slow the fuck down, Hotrod! It’s good for your wallet and our one tiny planet.

And if any of you leadfoots out there got a problem with my driving, you can kiss my ass.


  1. right on !!! I agree a thousand percent. People are idiots... a speed limit is just that.... it's o.k to drive below that point.
    this is one of the reasons our auto insurance is ridiculiously high now days... Car manufacturers just keep makin' them faster, indorsing the public to drive like butt holes!! I'll get off my soap box now ; /

    1. Thanks! Gotta admit, though, driving across Texas and the prairie states strained my newfound faith. :-/